A not so Jolly Christmas 

This year the Christmas bells will have a different ring for you and your family. A significant person in your life has died.

At Christmas time you are welcome to place a memoriam tag on our tree of remembrance as a tangible act to remember your loved one.  We have a very useful little booklet called “A not so jolly Christmas” which many people have found helpful when facing their first Christmas alone.

The booklet includes practical advice on reducing pressure, re-evaluating traditions, redefining expectations and reliving memories. There is a special section for helping children with their loss at Christmas.

If you would like to receive a copy please feel free to call in to Rosedale, or alternatively contact us with your request and we'll post you a copy.

A Poem - 'Through Grief'

There is no way round grief,
Only a way through,
Grief cannot be hurried,
You need time to mourn and accept tragedy,
Grief and bereavement come to us all.
You will find it impossible to accept.
You cannot believe it has happened to you.
You yearn for them.
Grief is the price of love and being loved,
And you must grieve – you need to release your feelings.
It is natural to cry and sob,
As natural as smiling and laughing.
Do not deny or hide your grief – accept it.
It is a healing process – a way of coming to terms with loss.
Let your tears and feelings come.
Do not bottle them up.
Crying is not self pity – it is a necessity – so cry when you need to.
Eventually you will come through that long, dark tunnel.

By Derik Dobson

A poem -'What is dying?'

I am standing on the seashore. A ship sails and spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean. She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her till at last she fades on the horizon, and someone at my side says, “She is gone.”

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all; she is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.

The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her; and just at the moment when someone at my side says “She is gone,” there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout, “Here she comes,” and that is dying.

Involving the children

Sadly, there will always be bereaved children.   Statistics suggest that each year approximately 280 children in Norfolk are likely to experience the death of someone very close to them, through illness, accident, suicide and occasionally though murder.

Children are often referred to as the ‘forgotten mourners’ because adults use euphemisms to explain death and think children are adaptable and will soon get over it, or ‘are too young to understand’ or ‘too young to go to the funeral.’ 

As parents ourselves, we believe that it is important that a child is told as quickly and honestly as possible when there is a death in the family. Encourage the child to talk about the person that has died and to ask questions. A child’s imagination is often far worse than reality. Younger children may like to draw pictures to be placed in the coffin, while older children may like to write their own floral tribute cards or take part in the service, perhaps by reading a poem.

Rosedale Funeral Home is a subscriber to the Childhood Bereavement Network, a national, multi-professional organisation working with bereaved children and young people. Subscribers to The Childhood Bereavement Network believe that all children have a right to information, guidance and support to enable them to manage the impact of death on their lives

We have available a range of resources to help children come to terms with their loss including workbooks, memory boxes, story and audio books. We have provided many Norfolk and Suffolk schools with resources to support bereaved children, and can assist with lesson plans to support Key Stages 1-4.

We can suggest books that are appropriate for each age group, and also books for adults to help them understand how children feel when someone important in their life dies. Further to this we have a children's 'Story Bag' on permanent loan from the Norfolk Library Service containing "Badger's Parting Gifts" and accompanying glove puppets.

“At times children’s thoughts lie even too deep for tears.  We cannot – and should not – take away their grief.   But by helping them to engage with it, to express it and share it – we can help them to live in it, through it and beyond it.”

Winston's Wish

www.winstonswish.org.uk

Help for grieving children and their families, Winston’s Wish helps bereaved children and young people rebuild their lives after a family death.

If you do have children in the family there are some helpsheets available from Winston's Wish, with great ideas to remember loved ones on special days such as Mother's or Father's day and Christmas.

Nelson's Journey

www.nelsonsjourney.org.uk

Nelson's Journey was established to provide a service to children and young people who have experienced the death of a significant person in their life e.g. mother, father, sibling etc. Nelsons Journey offers a range of services including an advice and information service to bereaved families, a comprehensive assessment of the needs of bereaved children and activity days and therapeutic residential weekend camps.

Child Bereavement Charity

www.childbereavement.org.uk

Support for bereaved children and families including an online family support forum.